Professor
Oxbrain !
Episode I
Oxbrain meets a distinguished professor
who offers him a teaching position at the University's Department of Philosophy.
Then a student asks for help, and an opportunity arises for Oxbrain to
change the world.
Will he settle for his sinecure behind the walls of academe?
Or will he sally forth?
As he ponders his options, he declares, professorially,
"Behave, New World !"
by John T Sherman
Illustrated by Katie Burgess
_____
Professor Waysmart stopped
his truck on a dirt road that cut across a pasture. He glanced at his
map. Yes, it was somewhere in the middle of nowhere. He got out and looked
at a herd of oxen that had collected under the shade of a tree. Some stared
vacantly at him, swatting at flies with their tails in the dusty heat,
while others gazed indifferently at his pick-up truck.
_____ Hesitating, he cleared his throat and
addressed the animals.
_____ "Hello there.
By any chance, is... is Oxbrain here among you?"
_____ Silence. One of the bulls snorted and
then moved away. The professor sighed.
_____ "I suppose
not, then."
_____ He looked down and searched through
his pockets for some tissue paper to wipe away the sweat. Suddenly, he
sneezed.
_____ "Gesundheit,"
said a voice.
_____ He looked around, startled. "Who
said that?"
_____ "I didn't
mean to startle you," said Oxbrain, who was one of the bulls in the
herd.
_____ "Oxbrain,
Oxbrain, finally we meet," said the Professor as he embraced the
ox. "I have searched for you high and low ever since you resigned
as CEO of that high-tech company where you used to work."
_____ "Billowy
Technologies."
_____ "Yes, yes.
Oxbrain, would you come and teach with me at the University? Your business
acumen is well known, yes, but I ask for your assistance in an entirely
different field. I have seen a falling off of interest in the arcane but
all-important field of Philosophy. As (ahem), an ox, you will certainly
revive interest in this recondite discipline, you being (harrumph) smart
and able to talk. With tutoring from myself and my distinguished colleagues,
you will become an excellent lecturer; and the world--- the world of philosophy
in particular-- will certainly benefit. You will be lecturing to a group
of wonderful students. Of course, you will have to grade their papers,
but..."
_____ "Is there any other work involved?"
_____ "Why, no. Not really."
_____ "Do I get some grazing land? A
few acres of pasture, at least?"
_____ "Why, yes, that can be arranged."
_____ "Barn? Living quarters?"
_____ "Yes, yes."
_____ "Stream? Watering hole?"
_____ "Yes."
_____ "I accept," said Oxbrain.
* * *
_____ Oxbrain
became a lecturer at the Department of Philosophy and was well received
by students and faculty alike.
_____ One day, he was about to begin his
lecture on utopias when he decided instead to distribute a crossword puzzle
on the topic at hand to his class. Here is that puzzle:
____
As Oxbrain was about to leave the room, he noticed a hand-written note
on his podium. It said:
Prof. Oxbrain,
Please join us in our crusade, which is of great importance to the world.
Meet us at the Athens Airport at 8:00 P.M. tonight.
We will fill you in on the details when you come. Thank you a thousand times in advance for showing up.
(Signed)
A student
_____ "A prank,
no doubt," Oxbrain mumbled to himself. "These students are always
up to something. I'm going to ignore this note."
_____ Of course, Oxbrain decided to take
an evening stroll that very night, and curiously enough his stroll took
him by the vicinity of the airport...
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