Eat Drink and be Wary -- Episode II of Oxbrain, C.E.O. -- Crossword Adventures with Oxbrain

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Crossword Adventures with Oxbrain

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Oxbrain, CEO
Episode II: Oxbrain's chaotic entry into the corporate world.
Share prices of Billowy skyrocket.
A disgruntled director tells Oxbrain,
"Eat, Drink and be Wary!"
by John T Sherman
Illustrated by Katie Burgess

_
____James Farnsworth, --- majority stockholder of Billowy Technologies --- had carte blanche from the Board of Directors to do whatever was necessary to save the foundering company. So when he asked them to support his "spectacular discovery" that would blow away Wall Street, they weren't sure what to expect.
_____ He went on: "As you know, prices of dot-coms and other tech stocks have plummeted in recent months, and Billowy Technologies has been especially hard hit.
_____ "Our palmtops, laptops,--- indeed, our full range of business and game software are the best in the industry. But we continue to lose market value and market share, due to economic conditions, and most of all because we are virtually indistinguishable from our many competitors.
_____ "What we need, right now, is a symbol, a leader that will charge into the market and capture the imagination of the public. Today, I have with me such a C.E.O. He is, himself, a powerful symbol of market prosperity. He has the intelligence, the fresh perspective, and the total uniqueness this company needs.
_____ "Members of the board, may I present my personal choice to lead this company into the next millennium, Oxbrain the Ox!"
_____ Oxbrain trotted into the immaculate boardroom, the rude clip-clop of his hooves mocking the staid quiet of the marble floor. A fine woolen business suit blanketed his bovine bulk, and a batik tie dangled from his massive neck. With his horned head jutting incongruously from silk lapels, he walked to the head of the long table and stood there, gazing calmly at everyone. All twelve board members gaped at him in stunned, wide-eyed silence.
_____ "Good morning, ladies and gentlemen of the Board." Oxbrain finally said.
_____ A secretary dropped her glass coffee pitcher, which hit the floor with a resounding crash. As if on cue, everyone started chattering loudly, all at the same time.
_____ "EEEEEEK! IT'S TALKING!!"
_____ "What is this, animatronics?... or ventriloquism?... or some other kind of trick?"
_____ "What kind of stunt is this?"
_____ "Where's the microphone?"
_____ "You actually brought a farm animal into the building!"
_____ "... and into the boardroom!"
_____ "This is lunacy!!"
_____ "Members of the Board!" Farnsworth said, raising his voice above the din, "this is not a stunt or a trick! It's the future of Billowy Technologies!!"
_____ "You've lost it, Farnsworth" said Smitty. "Are you telling us, the members of the Board, that you've got a talking ox here?"
_____ "I am too a talking ox, and a smart one at that!" Oxbrain said. He jerked his massive head, overturning a serviette and spilling a tray of hors d'oeuvres to the floor. He then walked over to the other side of the board room, and menaced a display case full of precious Ming and Sung ceramics.
_____ "Oh, no. Somebody stop it. It's going towards the vases!" said Smitty.
_____ "Calm down, Oxbrain, calm down." said Farnsworth.
_____ "Farnsworth, tell your ox we'll listen to him. Just have him stop behaving like a bull near all that china. Please!" said one of the directors.
_____ Farnsworth fetched Oxbrain and led him back to the long table. He stood there as all the Board of Directors,--- with Smitty casting a 'nay' vote--- agreed to accept Oxbrain as C.E.O. of Billowy Technologies, Inc., effective immediately.
_____ "I want a press conference", said Oxbrain.
_____ "Yes, Bos" said his new executive secretary.
* * *
_____ The press conference didn't go quite as smoothly...
_____ "I AM NOT AN ANIMATRON!" Oxbrain bellowed to the crowd of heckling reporters.
_____ The disbelieving media people trained their flashing cameras on Oxbrain, infuriating him all the more. He began bucking, knocking over a few light stands and toppling them into the seething mass of journalists. In the ensuing chaos, Farnsworth quickly announced that the conference was over. Everyone scampered out of the room (taking just a few more pictures as they scurried out.)
_____ Farnsworth slumped into a chair, misty-eyed.
_____ "A total disaster", he mumbled to himself.
_____ Smitty sidled up to him. "Tsk, tsk, Farnsworth, I guess your little scheme isn't working. Seems like you'll be sending your new C.E.O. out to pasture a little sooner than expected. Heh, heh."
_____ Farnsworth could only look at him dejectedly.
* * *
_____While Farnsworth was wondering what he could do to save the situation, TV and radio airwaves were burning with news of his new appointee. The next day, newspapers all over the country headlined the story:

BULL GOES BERSERK!
Will Run High-tech Company
* * *

OX TO HEAD DOT-COM!
* * *
CAN OXBRAIN SAVE BILLOWY?
* * *
_____As the nation's media machines began spewing out news of this strange development, and papers all over the country started hitting the newsstands, stock prices of Billowy began climbing!
_____ Everyone was curious about the "revolutionary" company that had a talking ox as C.E.O.,-- and they didn't want to be left out. This in turn sparked booming sales of the software and high-tech gadgets that Billowy manufactured.
_____ Invitations for Oxbrain poured in. Interview requests kept his secretary busy. He became a regular at ribbon-cutting ceremonies. They couldn't get enough of him, and his odd little sayings.
_____ Grown-ups tuned in when he was on TV, and children giggled and jumped up and down when they heard his name. Investors opened their wallets every time Oxbrain mentioned a new product. Once again, Billowy Technologies was riding high on Wallstreet!
_____ Smitty sulked when he heard that Oxbrain had received an invitation from the White House.
_____ "I was next in line here as C.E.O.," he moped, "but then Farnsworth chose some farm animal, fit only for an entrée-level job. What's happened to seniority here?
_____ "Sure he's famous, just like cookies might be 'famous'. Or hamburgers."

Cheer up, Smitty. What's your beef? The company's future was at steak, and now it's sizzling! Besides, aren't you happy your new C.E.O. is famous?

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Oxbrain , C.E.O. is a crossword fantasy-adventure in 5 parts.

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